Continue to Be You

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If you are an introvert, loner, quiet person, or heck, if you feel you can relate to this post, then this is for you.

I’m an introvert who’s quiet and a loner. I’ve always been quiet and introverted since I was a child but I became a loner as an adult (in my thirties?) because it’s more peaceful not dealing with other people’s junk and ulterior motives; I have my own stuff to deal with (now that’s not to say I won’t help someone in need).

Why is it when you mind your own business, keep to yourself, and focus on your work, it’s a problem for some people? I’ve noticed this at different offices where I’ve worked over the years. There was always one person or maybe a group of people who just had to let you know (within an earshot) how “weird” you were. Or because you care about your work and try to do the best you can, you’re acting like a slave (yes, just the other day, I heard people imitating a slave around me: “Yassa, massa!”). Sometimes I can feel their negative energy and even feel their eyes on my back. It’s downright creepy! I remember one office I worked at where this woman and a couple of her friends were always commenting on how “weird” I was and how “something wasn’t right about me” but yet whenever they were around me, I felt uneasy and unsettled. I never understood why these people seemed to be so concerned with what I was doing. How was minding my own business affecting them?

Because this would happen to me so much, I started wondering if something was wrong with me and would feel bad about myself at times. Was I giving off negative energy? Did people think I was arrogant? Was I a terrible person? I just didn’t understand what I had done to warrant these reactions; all I did was be myself.

God helped me to get through these rough moments by leading me to psalms that were similar to my situations. He comforted me and let me know that everything would be okay. And He also revealed that the ones bothering me had a spirit of jealousy, which left me feeling bewildered—“Why would they be jealous of me? I’m not a flashy person, not a social butterfly, etc. I’m not a perfect person and I’m not even trying to portray that I am!” Think about this–when you are truly content and comfortable with yourself, you don’t have the desire to put someone else down. You simply don’t have time for that nonsense because your time is valuable.

God also helped me to forgive them because I used to be so angry at times, you could see the smoke coming out of my ears. Now forgiveness isn’t easy and that’s why you have to ask God to help you. But you know what? It feels a lot better than being weighed down with anger, hatred, and fear. It takes time to get there, but you can do it!

Yesterday, I watched a couple of YouTube videos by Cassandra Mack about this topic; in so many words, she said that our light (our focus, character, integrity, peace of mind, etc.; our actions, not verbal communication) exposes the darkness in other people and makes them uncomfortable.

I also think that sometimes certain people get offended if you don’t want to socialize with them (“she thinks she’s better than me”), and as a result, they try to make you feel bad. The thing is, you have to right to decide who to spend your time with, especially if you see them exhibiting behaviors that you don’t want to deal with.

I choose to be a loner because too many times people will smile in your face and do lord knows what behind your back. I’m not against friendship but I will not call just anyone a friend. Also, I feel more peaceful when I’m by myself or with my family. And after years of dealing with crappy relationships, poor self-esteem, I have a right to experience the peace and joy that God has given me. I refuse to apologize for it and I refuse to change to make others comfortable.

Never change who you are to please others. They will never be satisfied and you will be on an endless hamster wheel, feeling miserable, and wondering why you still can’t please them enough. And I used to do this so I’m not just giving lip service. I lost myself in relationships and I wanted to be loved! I didn’t know how to communicate, I didn’t share how I felt about things; it’s like I never had a voice. But where did it leave me? Brokenhearted, miserable, and taken advantage of.

Continue to be you and let your light shine. If other people don’t like it, then that’s their problem. Continue to operate from a loving and kind heart and God will give you peace in your life. Also, pray for your enemies and ask God for strength to do so; it can be difficult, but God wants us to be more like Him and it helps us to not be consumed with hate.

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