Why I’m Allowing God to Choose My Husband (Part 1)

Beautiful African American woman

Although Eric* told me he was agnostic when we first started dating (he didn’t believe in God but he couldn’t say that God didn’t exist), it didn’t scare me away. I was a new Christian and thought we could still have a healthy relationship as long as I didn’t cram my beliefs down his throat and he accepted that I wouldn’t change my faith. So what if he’s not a Christian? I thought. He might be a really great guy and I want to get to know him better.

I was attracted to Eric* because he was intelligent (I felt like I learned so many interesting things from him), hilarious (my stomach would constantly ache and my eyes would tear up from laughing so hard), he seemed honest (he wasn’t afraid to tell me how he felt about me and other things), and he was affectionate.

However, there were some red flags: he constantly complimented me on my body (at first I felt flattered, but then I wondered if that was all he cared about); he seemed immature and vulgar at times (I wondered if he could ever be serious about certain things); and finally, his smoking addiction irritated my lungs (I had broken my vow to never date a man who smoked because I thought Eric was the bee’s knees).

When we started dating, I asked God to reveal the truth about Eric*–I wanted to know if he was the right guy and even asked God to show me if he was seeing anyone else. I started having dreams that Eric* was seeing someone else, but I thought those dreams were stemming from my insecurities and fears. Would I be able hold his interest since I was introverted and didn’t have the gift of gab? What if he was already seeing or interested in someone else?  I told myself to stop worrying and give him a chance instead of expecting him to screw up.

A few months later, Eric* started asking when we’d have sex. Although I wanted to BADLY (we would get pretty hot and heavy at times), I didn’t feel ready and told Eric how I felt. He understood but didn’t want to wait until marriage and I was starting to feel that I should wait until marriage. I ended the relationship because I feared that it wasn’t going to work out, especially if we didn’t share the same faith.

A month later, we got back together. When I started seeing Eric* again, my spirit felt restless and unsettled and it was hard to sleep at night; I felt as if I was disobeying God. I’ll be fine, I told myself. Just because Eric* doesn’t believe in God doesn’t mean that I’m going to stop believing. Eric and I had started talking about getting married and having a child together. I really cared about him and didn’t want to dump him just because he was a non-believer. Was God really against couples with different beliefs? Just to be on the safe side, I talked to Eric* about God and even prayed for him to change, but it didn’t work. Would I have to wait thousands of years for Eric* to eventually see that God did exist in order to experience spiritual harmony and balance in our relationship? What if he never reached that point?

The Holy Spirit starting talking to me–He told me to end the relationship more than once. I didn’t understand why and didn’t want to because everything seemed to be going well. One night, I asked God why He wanted me to break up with Eric* AGAIN; I didn’t want to hurt him a second time.  The Holy Spirit told me that Eric* was seeing someone else. I was shocked but not sure how to interpret the message–was he currently cheating or was he going to in the future? How could I end the relationship when I really didn’t have proof of him cheating on me? We didn’t live together and I didn’t find another woman’s underwear under the bed. I didn’t catch him out in public with someone else. What could I say to him?

One night, we had planned to talk about our future and I ended the relationship, saying that I didn’t think this was the direction God wanted me to go. Eric* was upset and it was pointless to confront him with the truth that God had revealed to me; it wouldn’t make sense to him. Once I broke up with him, I couldn’t help but wonder if I made the right decision and I felt awful for hurting him again; I also felt angry for being lied to. On the other hand, my spirit felt at peace and I was able to sleep.

A few days later, Eric* sent me an angry text, wishing that someone would hurt me the way I hurt him. I responded via email saying that I knew about his other woman and I didn’t want someone in my life who was a liar. Of course he denied it and called me crazy but I bet he still wonders how I found out. When God reveals something to me, especially if it’s for MY protection, I’m not going to keep believing what other person is telling me; it’s time to exit stage left so I can move forward and continue with the plan He has for my life.

Can you imagine what kind of craziness I would have walked into if I had ignored God’s warnings? I thank God for His protection and His wisdom; He has never failed me—when He warns me about something or someone, it always comes true. Samuel 16:7 says: “But the LORD said to Samuel, ‘Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The LORD doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.’ ”  You may think someone has good intentions by their actions and the things they say, but what’s really going on in their hearts and minds? Only God knows if they’re genuine or not, and He will tell you the truth. Since God knows the truth about people, I’d rather have His guidance in choosing my husband instead of trying to do it myself.

*Name has been changed to protect privacy.



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