I was shocked when I saw Lil Kim’s recent Instagram photos—this woman with tousled blond hair, pink lipstick, slanted eyes and light skin was supposed to be Lil Kim? What happened?
Some people may say it’s none of our business while others may ridicule and attack her but they have no idea what she’s struggling with internally. Lil Kim has mentioned that she’s struggled with her self-esteem because the men she dated told her that she wasn’t pretty and cheated on her with women who looked European. Those negative comments and thoughts must’ve haunted her for years and as a result, she decided that she could make herself more beautiful and desirable by looking white. Lil Kim couldn’t see how beautiful she truly was with her pretty smile and gorgeous brown skin. But how do you learn to accept your appearance when society bombards you with images of how you should look? When white women get lip injections, tans, or other enhancements, they’re praised for their beauty but yet Black women who naturally have these features are ridiculed (remember the negative Twitter comments about a Black woman’s lips in those MAC makeup ads?). We can’t expect society to fulfill or validate us because it’s not focused on our well-being; society is only focused on convincing us that we’re inadequate in order to get our money. God is the only one who can truly fulfill and validate us.
Most of us are dealing with some form of pain that causes us to act out in different ways. When we seek validation from others, we’re crushed when they don’t feed our souls/spirits. You want someone to tell you you’re good enough and special; you want others to see your beauty and worth. But it seems like all they can focus on are your flaws; nothing you do or say is good enough. But if you’re around people who don’t value themselves, they can’t recognize the beauty that you or anyone else has. As a result, we seek love and validation from the wrong people and end up in toxic relationships and friendships. We struggle to free ourselves from other people’s chaotic behavior because despite their foul treatment, we don’t think we can do any better.
Rejection sucks—it hurts when people tell you that you’re not desirable enough because of whatever physical features you have or don’t have. But you know what? They weren’t the right ones for you and probably would’ve brought more drama and heartache in your life. We can’t make people want us and we certainly can’t control their preferences; we can only control how we see ourselves and focus on becoming the best person we can be.
Many of us struggle with insecurities, don’t like ourselves, and don’t know our true identities; we keep seeking our worth from people and material things. God is the only one who can show us how to truly love and accept ourselves. He loves us and believes we’re worthy, even when we don’t see our own worth; when others ridicule us, God encourages and strengthens us. Seek God’s approval and validation and you won’t be unfulfilled. If you continue to seek approval from people, you’ll always be disappointed.