Lately, I’ve been battling a spirit of fear (irrational fear) since 2020. It wasn’t just anxiety, even though I’ve struggled with that for years due to negative things I experienced in the past. It’s been crazy because at times, I didn’t understand why I was feeling afraid. Sometimes thoughts would come about various things and it was weird because those things were not major events to worry about; it would be the smallest things. Or I would feel fear at different times for no reason; there were also times I would feel it trying to come onto me while I was half sleep. I kept asking God what was going on—I wondered if I had sinned, if I was being punished, etc. He kept telling me that it was a spirit of fear from the enemy. There were many times when I felt helpless, afraid and frustrated because fear would constantly come on me at any time. I had never experienced fear at this level. I would feel afraid and sweat until my clothes were damp and feel embarrassed; I also felt like I didn’t have control over my body. I definitely felt like I wanted to give up because the entire experience was exhausting. It seemed like no matter what I did (praying, using scripture, etc), it wouldn’t stop. I would get frustrated and even curse at the enemy. But God kept reminding me that I need to use my authority and to stop focusing on the garbage…because that’s exactly what it is—garbage!
This year is better, thank God. There have been times when the fear has stopped completely but then it comes back. God has revealed to me that it’s the devil trying to frustrate and aggravate me. The Lord also told me that the heat was going to be turned up (meaning that the enemy was going to do whatever he could to aggravate me); He also told me that the devil wants to break me down. I hear the enemy in the spirit telling me to “shut up” or “give up.” So I’m still fighting with scripture, giving thanks to God, singing gospel songs; I even challenge the mess (lies, assumptions, ridiculous thoughts) that this pathetic fool (the devil) brings to me and tell him where he’s going. It still gets irritating at times, but I’m continuing to fight so I can be where God needs me to be. I thank God for giving me wisdom and guidance about what I’ve been experiencing.
We are in a spiritual battle but we will overcome it through Jesus Christ. Romans 8:37 says, “Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.” No matter what we go through (hardships, trials, persecution, attacks, etc.), nothing can separate us from God’s love. The enemy loves to make us think that God has left us or doesn’t love us when we’re going through hard times.
If you’re going through a difficult time and encountering things that seem irrational, I pray that the Holy Spirit will give you clarity but also give you strength and peace to make it through your situation.